YouTube has 2 versions, by Yogi Yorgesson (Harry Stewart) and Stan Boreson and Doug Setterberg. Here's my transcription of the former.


I YUST GO NUTS AT CHRISTMAS
As sung by Yogi Yorgesson (Harry Stewart)

1. Oh, I just go nuts at Christmas
On that jolly holiday.
I'll go in the red like a knucklehead
'Cause I'll squander all my pay.

2. Oh, I just go nuts at Christmas.
Shopping sure drives me berserk.
On the day before, I'll rush in a store
Like a poor bewildered jerk.

BRIDGE: I'll look at nightgowns for my wife,
Those black ones trimmed in red,
But I won't know her size and so
She'll get a carpet sweeper instead.

3. Oh, I just go nuts at Christmas
When each kid hangs up his sock.
It's a time for kids to flip their lids
While their papa goes in hock.

SPOKEN: On the night before Christmas, it's still in the house.
My family is sleeping, so I'm quiet like a mouse.
I look at my watch and midnight is near.
I think I'll sneak out for a cold glass of beer.
Down at the corner the crowd is so merry,
I end up by drinking about twelve Tom and Jerry.
I get to bed late and, gee whiz, how I'm sleeping,
When onto my bed those darn kids they come leaping.
They sit on my face and they jump on my belly,
And I'm quivering all over like a bowl full of jelly.
They scream, "Merry Christmas!" and my poor wife and me
We stumble downstairs and she lights up the tree.
My head is exploding; my mouth tastes like a pickle.
I step on a skate and fall on a tricycle.
Just before Christmas dinner, I relax, to a point,
Then relatives start swarming all over the joint.
On Christmas I hug and I kiss my wife's mother.
The rest of the year we don't speak to each other.
After dinner my aunt and my wife's uncle Louie
Get into an argument; they're both awful screwy.
Then all my wife's family say Louie is right,
And my goofy relations they join in the fight.
Back in the corner the radio is playing,
And over the racket, Gabriel Heatter is saying,
"Peace on earth, everybody, and good will toward men,"
And just at that moment someone slugs Uncle Ben.
They all run outside whooping so the neighbors will hear.
Oh, I'm so glad merry Christmas comes just once a year.

4. Oh, I just go nuts at Christmas,
But I still have lots of fun.
Just the same as you, I enjoy it too.
Merry Christmas, everyone!