Here's my transcription from YouTube:


I'VE HAD A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS
As sung by Stan Boreson

Well the shirts were swell and the socks were fine,
All size twelve but my feet are size nine.
I've had a very merry Christmas.
You know, the watch won't run and the wallet's split.
The gloves are small and the pajamas don't fit.
I've had a very merry Christmas.
Ten dozen hankies embroidered up with roses,
Ten dozen hankies! She must think that I'm covered with noses.
Six neckties, they're all handmade.
They're lovely ties, but they're all the same shade.
I've had a very merry Christmas.

Jingle bells, jingle bells give my heart a lift.
Tomorrow I'll be on my way exchanging ev'ry gift.

SPOKEN: Oh I'm so disappointment! [sic] I have never been so disillusioned in my whole life—

'Cause the pen won't write and the slippers gap.
The bathrobe's tight and the camera won't snap,
But I've had a very merry Christmas.
Those darn cigars are much too strong.
The sweater's wide and the shorts are too long.
I've had a very merry Christmas.
I got six pairs of swim trunks, a present that my girl made.
Six pairs of swim trunks! She must think that I'm Minnie the mermaid.
The hat's too small and the ring ain't gold.
The muffler's tin and I caught a good cold.
I've had a very merry Christmas.

SPOKEN: Yeah, fine Christmas I had. Ah, don't get me wrong, though. I'm not too unhappy. I'm just miserable. But just wait till next year.