Wonderful breaking news. I've persuaded Folk Against Feudalism to take a stand, well, have a stall at this year's festival.

Amongst the events promoted will be:

A full scale re-enactment of the peasants' revolt, only this time the peasants win.

A trial of flatulessence between two knights of the farter.

A fight to the death in which Sir Nyocholas de Gribbiyne gets slain by the dragon.

A drop in centre where reluctant serfs can seek advice on how to renounce their servitude.

A ballad making workshop to teach participants how to write ballads in which the aristocracy are the ones who end up with the dirty end of the stick.

Also, another first. This year counselling will be available free of charge to any festival goers who feel driven to suicide by the lousy standards of the booked acts.