I was on a double decker bus in Manchester, UK the other day when an apparition appeared on the lower deck. He was in his 40s, bearded, dishevelled and on crutches. He addressed the whole lower deck thus:

" Look, I'm just like you - I've even bought a 49p bus ticket (waves ticket in air). But I'll be honest with you, I'm a recovering alcoholic and I've been sleeping rough, but now I've found myself a place in a hostel in Salford [Manchester's twin city]. But now the government have cut the subsidy and I'm having to pay £200 a month - and I can't afford it. Please can you help me out?"

Most of the lower deck studiously ignored him so he shook his head ruefully and said, in a pitiful voice, "you give up hope". Someone gave him a quid.

I thought: "Nice try, asshole. But I couldn't help but notice that you went up and down those stairs, on those crutches, on a moving bus, pretty rapidly!"