A public announcement from the election office of Chongo Chimp -

Yup, after years and years of tryin' to figure out human beings, Chongo (with the assistance of 40 ounces of scotch) has it all worked out, and in the final analysis...

Humans are f'n nuts!!! That's it in a "nut"shell, and ya can take it to the bank, folks.

This ain't exclusively about the humans who are shocked that the apes and monkeys and other animals they incarcerate aren't filled with gratitude for their cold little steel enclosures and their lousy free meals at the local zoo...

This ain't exclusively about humans wantin' to decorate their walls with animal heads...

This ain't about painted fingernails, shavin', hair spray, Gatorade, Twinkies, TeleTubbies or any of the other "good" stuff that Madison Avenue and WalMart gave us...

This ain't about corn chips... I mean, you can't get drunk on corn chips, can you??? Didn't think so...

Or curling??? What idiot thought that game up?

Or the Indy 500??? Why waste fast cars on dumb races when ya got bank jobs, drive-by shootings, and hot police pursuit to think about?

I mean, yeah, there are a lotta messed up people out there makin' life tough for animals and for the environment, not to mention for themselves!, and so me and the 40 ouncer have come up with a brilliant idea:

Human Re-education Camps!!!

Yessir!!! We get all these damn people up to speed by makin' 'em live in the woods at a subsistence level, growin' and gatherin' their own food for about 6 months to a year and teach 'em how nature really works, and everything messed up will turn into un-messed up...

Damn straight. You heard it from the ape. Just read my lips.

- Chongo Chimp