A bedroom in Southern California, there is pink sky over the ocean from the sunrise AMOS rubs his eyes.

                           AMOS

         Who is that sitting on the foot of my water bed?


                           LEO
                        (Jauntily)
         The seventies called. It wants its water bed back.


                           AMOS
                         (demurely)
         Leo? Leonardo DeCrappio?


                           LEO

       Yes it is I, Leonardo DeCrappio star of such movies as
       Perception and Gangs of New Jersey!

AMOS picks up a TIM HORTONS COFFEE MUG, blissfully drinks some, turns it so that the label is clearly visible.

                         AMOS

         So this is a dream? Brazil and Kenya don't exist
         and I busted my TV for nothing?

                         LEO

         Brazil and Kenya exist all right. But the are only
         Coffee Beans.

                         AMOS

          But Brazil is so robust and Kenya so rich and dark.

                         LEO

         Exactly!

                         AMOS

       But the hot sweat and machete distilled and refined,
       one lump then two.

                         LEO

       Sugar. and before you ask, the other bit was just milk.
       You know, Double double. Its a Ginsberg thing."

                         AMOS

      But there is nothing about cocks and balls.

                         LEO

      OK, Ginsberg lite. This is a Disney Film after all.
      Didn't you wonder why you were being played by Justin Beiber?

                         AMOS

      Don't you mean JUST IN BEAVER? I am the notoriously       heterosexual porn star. You should have read the opening
credits more carefully. Its Dicksmeat Studio and that castle
      is a collection of dildoes.

                         LEO

      I was wondering why Tinkerbell wore chap and
      her wand was a whip.

                         AMOS

      "Tinkerbell is copyright of Disney. You were looking at Ring Her Belle."

                         LEO

       Now that's just goofy!

                         AMOS
      
       You are violating copyright again. In this movie you
       have to say gorshy.

                         LEO

       That's just stupid.

                         AMOS

       That's Hollywood.

                         LEO

       Don't I know it.


LEO awakes on the beach by a vast ruined cityscape on a lonely shore which could only exist in the dreams of one suffering from years of CGI addiction. All of the buildings have an odd texture, red and white almost pinkish. He looks out to see. Now the ocean is coffee with wisps of latte foam where the white would be on the breakers.

                           LEO

       If piranhas are bad what is worse?

                        AGENT SMITH

                           Me.

Agent Smith clones him self into a billion copies. There are so many that they are piled up around the edges of the scenes. You can still see the shapes of the buildings in the distance, but like an old southern mansion covered in kudzu, the buildings have a patina of Smith.

                           LEO
                     (Yawns and sighs)
                        No. Not you.

There is a long and involved boring fight scene. Boring because, having seen Agent Smith in several previous movies, and knowing LEO is the opted for one we know that LEO will prevail. The only thing keeping us from switching of the BlueRay and going out and interacting with some real people right then and there is a few clever effects sequences and the fact that we would have to shave and put on pants.

                      AGENT SMITH

                      You have won.

                         LEO

                   What else is new?

                      AGENT SMITH

       Before I die there is one thing I must know.

                         LEO

       As long as there are cheezy immature directors
       With too much time and money and too few original ideas
       you can never die.

                      AGENT SMITH

       Shut up kid. I haven't had a decent special effects
       since LOTR. Let me have my moment.

                           LEO

                           OK

                      AGENT SMITH

       What is worse than piranhas?
                              
                         LEO

       Piranhas on caffeine.

They look down the beach and see white gleaming cow bones.

Behind that they see white gleaming sea cow bones.

Behind that, the bones of a blue whale, the largest animal never to roam the land.

Behind that, hundreds of feet high, the bones of what must have been the entire population of the Tokyo metropolitan area. Godzilla pokes her head around that pile, burps, covers her mouth and giggles.

                           LEO

       I have had enough of this.

He covers himself in Old Bay seasoning and swims out into the ocean of Piranha infested coffee to meet his fate.

Push back to the beach, Push in to one of the ruined buildings on the shore. The only building material was coffee mugs. Perfect, steaming Tim Hortons coffee mugs with the label clearly displayed.


             Reality. Brewed fresh, every 20 minutes.