I just had a talk with my ex wife who is a therapist, and she told me pretty much the same thing.
Failure to protect is a phrase I knew she would understand, and she all but gave me hell for thinking it.
She also told me to not fight the grief, to let it wash over me. Man, it's doing that alright; it's like a Tsunami full of rocks, broken glass and pieces of 2 by 4s beating me up real good.
At least I am finding that my heart is not all scar tissue after all.