Mitt contemplated religion. He was sure that he was born into the best ones. While Cruise and Travolta were busy expunging Aliens from their bodies and grieving about mistreatment in the womb, he was thinking about the millions of loyal Mormon women he would have as slaves when he ruled his own planet. Phah! 72 virgins! He exclaimed! I will get a whole virgin planet to exploit.

As Richard Gere plumbed the depths of his own belly button, Mel Gibson complained that the pope was Catholic enough and Michelle Bachman complained that Sarah Palin was too soft on liberals, Woody Allen was minding his own business, playing the clarinet.