I LOVE TO DUNK A HUNK OF SPONGE CAKE
Words and music by Clarence Gaskill.
New York: Waterson, Berlin & Snyder Co., ©1928
As sung by Billy Jones & Ernest Hare (The Happiness Boys)

—Hello, Ernie. How are yous today?
—Oh, my goodness! Don't you know you shouldn't say "yous"? You ain't got no education nohow.
—What's that? My father spent thousands of dollars on my education.
—Thousands of dollars?
—Yes, sir.
—It's funny. Money don't go very far these days.
—Is that so?
—If he spent so much money on your education, tell me this: what is bacteria?
—Bacteria?
—Yes.
—That's the back door of a cafeteria. But you know—

I don't go in for botany, astronomy, and such.
No, you're not an art collector, 'cause you don't like that much.
No, but still I have a hobby. Holy mackerel, gosh, gee whiz!
Well, I know I'll never get it, so please tell me what it is.
I love to dunk, dunk, dunk a hunk of sponge cake,
Because it holds more coffee than the rest.
You never dunk, dunk, dunk a hunk of crumb cake,
Because the crumbs all linger on your vest.
Now ladyfingers are nice, I know,
But too weak to stand the test.
You love to dunk, dunk, dunk a hunk of sponge cake,
Because it holds more coffee than the rest.

—Oh, I love to dunk.
—Oh, I do too.

I don't go in for painting, 'cause I never held a brush.
No, you're not so fond of music, though you sing just like a thrush.
Well, I'm not a connoisseur when it comes to making love.
You only have one weakness; it's the one you're speaking of.
I love to dunk, dunk, dunk a hunk of sponge cake
Because it holds more coffee than the rest.
You never dunk, dunk, dunk a hunk of cheesecake,
And cream puffs make an awful mess.
Now pies and crullers are nice, I know,
But, dunkers, let me suggest:
Why don't you dunk, dunk, dunk a hunk of sponge cake
Because it holds more coffee than the rest.

I have dunked with doughnuts, just like any dunker would,
And I've tried pumpernickel, but I find it not so good.
I've had chocolate éclairs and I think they're very cute.
Ah, but when you bite into them, you don't know which way they'll shoot

"Dunk, dunk, dunky-dunk," says Mary Jane and Doris.
When they start to dunk it sounds like The Anvil Chorus.
Hooray! (Hooray!) Hey, hey! (Hey, hey!)
That's why we're here to say:
We love to dunk, dunk, dunk a hunk of sponge cake
Because it holds more coffee than the rest.
It's nice and yellow and it's often mellow.
We like the way it lingers on our vest.
Apple pie has an awful crust,
And crackers get in my eye.
We love to dunk, dunk, dunk a hunk of sponge cake
Because it holds more coffee than the pie.