Chongo Chimp in 2012.   How do we summon up the strong points of this candidate?

- Hairy neck
- Not Texan!
- Born in Africa
- Lives in Chicago
- Gun Packin' (and how!)
- Non-Christian (venerates King Kong)
- Racist AND Specist (thinks chimps are the best, thinks humans are the absolute worst!)
- Bigot (see above section on racist AND specist)
- Gorillaphobe (he hates them too)
- Heavy drinker
- Heavy smoker
- Eats hot dogs
- Goes to the Chicago baseball games
- Doesn't like hockey
- Is chivalrous and kind to women
- Stands up for traditional values
- Likes Jazz and Swing music
- Is very tough on crime
- Strong antiwar candidate (would end all USA foreign military interventions and close USA military bases outside the 50 states)
- Opposes bailouts for the bankers, suggests that they be arrested instead for defrauding the nation and given jail terms equivalent in years to their last annual bonus in dollars.
- Favors taxing the very rich heavily, and seeing if a "trickle-up" factor will serve to keep them from being reduced to begging on the street or at least having to have one less 300 foot yacht.
- Favors putting more corporate lawyers to work...busting rocks and flipping burgers.
- Wants to cut the defense budget in half and put the money into domestic infrastructure and health care.
- Objects to species stereotyping. Would make the use of the term "poopflinging" an illegal hate crime punishable by immediate arrest and incarceration.
- Suggests that the baseball cap be phased out now due to "extreme overexposure" and the fedora be brought back into style to replace it.


Kind of a mixed picture, eh? But definitely more fun than either Palin or Perry will ever be. Chongo = Change! Change you can depend on.