This song offers another example for study of how Jones & Hare did their adaptations. First, here are the lyrics from the sheet music which I found at the University of Mississippi:


WHAT! NO WOMEN?
Words by Jack Meskill & Walter C. Ness. Music by Marty Bloom & Maurice Sturm.
New York: Irving Berlin, Inc., ©1926.

VERSE 1: Johnny White said, "I'm in right; a big time's on tonight.
With all the girls, I'll be a smarty."
Kept his date at half-past eight, made sure he wasn't late,
To meet the girls down at the party.
He took one look 'round the flat.
Then grabbed his coat and his hat, and hollered:

CHORUS 1: What! No women? What kind of a party is this?
Now where are the flappers you spoke of today?
This looks like a branch of the Y. M. C. A.!
What! No women? Why, they're my specialty.
To sing about Sweet Adeline may have its charms,
But I prefer Sweet Adeline right in my arms.
This is no party for me.

VERSE 2: In his tux, with seven bucks, his collar washed in Lux,
John hunts the girls at ev'ry party.
Latest style and greatest smile, he's saying all the while,
"Bring on the girls; I'm hale and hearty."
But when he finds there are none,
Here's what this son of a gun will holler:

CHORUS 2: What! No women? What kind of a party is this?
You said I'd get Muriel so I brought my car,
But now you say Muriel is just a cigar.
What! No women? Say, really it's a crime,
I came up here tonight all set to hug and kiss,
But heaven help a sailor in a night like this.
Thanks for the terrible time!

CHORUS 3: What! No women? What kind of a party is this?
Now, I like the chicken in your fricassee,
But I must have chicken served right on my knee.
What! No women? Say, they're the spice of life.
You said, "Now don't bring Lulu 'cause she don't act right,"
But you can bet that Lulu would have saved the night.
Guess I'll go home to the wife.

* * *
They were rather more free than usual with this adaptation:

WHAT! NO WOMEN?
As sung by Billy Jones & Ernest Hare (The Happiness Boys)

PATTER: [BJ] Hello, Ernie.
[EH] Hello, Bill.
[BJ] Are you all set for the party?
[EH] Sure I am. Look at me. And I hope there'll be plenty of women there, because women, women, women is what I crave.
[BJ] You're always shoutin', "Women, women, women is what I crave." Listen, I never saw a fellow like you.

VERSE 1: [BJ] Let me take your hat and coat. Just make yourself at home.
[EH] Am I in time for this big party?
[BJ] You're right on time and the table's set, but not for food alone.
[EH] Gee, that sounds fine. Where is this party?
Will I meet Mabel and Grace? [BJ] Mabel and Grace?
[EH] Mm. [BJ] No women at all in this place, and that's final.

CHORUS 1: [EH] What! No women? [BJ] That's right. [EH] What kind of a party is this?
[BJ] A very nice party. I said that this party was strictly a stag.
[EH] Well, you know I can get a kick out of chewing the rag.
What! No women? [BJ] Absolutely. [EH] Why, they're my specialty.
[BJ] We'll sing "Sweet Adeline," for singing has its charms.
[EH] Ah, but I prefer sweet Adeline right in my arms.
[BJ] "Sweet Adeline, [EH] My Adeline."
What! No women? [BJ] Posilutely. [EH] Well, this is no party for me.

PATTER: [BJ] Ah, this is a good party. Don't complain at all.
[EH] Something else I want to tell you:

VERSE 2: [EH] You know, when I'm dressed up in my best, you know I'm always blessed.
I find the girls at ev'ry party.
[BJ] The latest style and the greatest smile, you're saying all the while,
"Bring on the girls." [EH] Yes, I'm hale and hearty.
[BJ] But when you find there are none. [EH] Mm.
[BJ] Here is what I always hear you holler:

CHORUS 2: [BJ] "What! No women?" [EH] You bet! [BJ] "What kind of a party is this?"
[EH] Ha-ha-ha! [BJ] I told you that you'd get Muriel if you brought your car.
[EH] Yes, and now I find Muriel is just a cigar.
What! No women? [BJ] You heard me. [EH] Say, really it's a crime.
What was that girlish laughter just as I passed by?
[BJ] Oh, that was just a fellow with a red necktie.
[EH] What! No women? [BJ] Well, thanks for the use of the hall.

CHORUS 3: [BOTH] What! No women? What kind of a party is this?
Now, I like a smoker, and poker's just grand,
But I must have wheels(?) when I start holding hands.
What! No women? I guess I'd better roam.
[BJ] Too bad the Ringling Brothers' Circus ain't in town.
[EH] Yes, you might have had the bearded lady to come down.
[BOTH] What! No women? Well, me for the old ladies' home.


[As much as I like their arrangement, I think they made a mistake in leaving out the line "Guess I'll go home to the wife."]