WHO CARES ANYHOW
Words and music by Charles Midgley & Fred Van Cleve
As sung by Billy Jones & Ernest Hare (The Happiness Boys) (1929)

1. They say that ev'ry fireman wears suspenders that are red,
Because they hold his trousers up and keep him out of bed.
But who cares? Who cares? Who cares anyhow?
My folks all say I was born this way, but who cares anyhow?

2. A bumblebee will never sing about his little honey.
I hardly think a policeman's club will ever strike me funny.
But who cares? Who cares? Who cares anyhow?
I know some jokes that that I can't tell folks, but who cares anyhow?

—Say Bill, what's the difference between the North and the South Pole?
—All the difference in the world, Ernie.

3. I never saw a butterfly that ever could make butter,
And even all the nicest streets will end up in the gutter.
But who cares? Who cares? Who cares anyhow?
I'm so darn bright that I shine at night, but who cares anyhow?

—Ernie, did I tell you my last Scotch story?
—I hope so.

4. They call me maple sugar 'cause I'm just a refined sap,
And when my girl feels all run down, she winds up in my lap.
But who cares? Who cares? Who cares anyhow?
You'll all agree something's wrong with me, but who cares anyhow?

—Speaking of Scotch jokes, you know I often wonder how you ever get away with all the Scotch jokes that you tell.
—Well, half of my ancestors were Scotch.
—What was the other half?
—Oh, ginger ale.

5. A bullfrog lives a long, long time although each night he croaks,
And I know my sweetie's not so hot because she never smokes.
But who cares? Who cares? Who cares anyhow?
It's a crazy song and it won't last long, but who cares anyhow?

—Hey, Bill! Whatever became of your sister?
—Oh, she has a new position now.
—What's she doing?
—She's a waitress in a lunatic asylum.
—A waitress in a lunatic asylum?
—Yeah, she carries soup to nuts.

6. They say that a banana skin will make a lovely slipper.
I don't believe I'll ever drink moonshine from the big dipper.
But who cares? Who cares? Who cares anyhow?
We tolled the bell, but the bell can't tell, but who cares anyhow?

Who cares? Who cares?
Who cares? Who cares?
Who cares who cares anyhow?
I do! I do! I do! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Oh, we don't care. We know you don't care.
So who cares anyhow?