The Scotsman was written by Mike Cross, and while Bryan Bowers does a fine job of singing it, Mike does an equally fine job.

A Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring-ding-diddle-liddle-I-de-o, ring-di-diddley-I-deet
Oh, he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring-ding-diddle-liddle-I-de-o, ring-di-diddley-I-dilt
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring-ding-diddle-liddle-I-de-o, ring-di-diddley-I-dirth
Nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring-ding-diddle-liddle-I-de-o, ring-di-diddley-I-dow
Around the bonnie star the Scots kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
Och, Lad I don't know where you've been but I see you won first prize