1. Start a thread with a title that makes no sense.
2. Post a long rambling message that never gets to the point, or doesn't have one.
3. Make lots of vague references to other messages in other threads without identifying the threads or explaining what they were about.
4. Make lots of references to personal messages you have sent to other people, or received from them, or intend to send them, or want them to send you.
5. Drop lots of hints that you have a lot of grievances against other Mudcatters but that you're too polite to say who they are or what the grievances are about.
6. Drop lots of hints that a lot of other Mudcatters are close personal friends of yours who would defend you to the death, and since THEY understand you, you can't help it if no one else does.
7. Keep accusing other people of violating various etiquette rules, and keep inventing new rules to stay ahead of them.
8. Turn every difference of opinion into a personal attack, and make sure YOU are seen as the victim of that attack.
9. If anyone criticizes you for any reason, insist that the REAL reason they criticized you is because they're prejudiced against you because you --- (fill in your favorite reason for being a martyr here).
10. Imply that, since you have been a Mudcatter since before dirt was invented, you can't help it if you understand everything better than everyone else does, or ever will.
11. Don't show a sense of humor about any of this.