A bit like:

"The Ivy and the Holly."
From "Arrest These Merry Gentlemen."

Chorus: Oh, the ivy and the holly
You'd know if you had seen 'em,
Of all the trees that grow in the wood
They've no good points between 'em.

Oh the Ivy have a berry, as black as any sin,
It's not much use in jams and pies, and horrible in gin.

Oh the Holly have a stalk, as green as any veg,
If you chop it up in salad it will set your teeth on edge.

(Chorus)

Oh the Ivy have a poison that makes you itch like hell,
If you boil it up in stew, it will make you sick as well.

Oh the Holly have a root, beneath the earth it rots,
And if you suck it slowly, it will bring you out in spots.

(Chorus)

Oh the Ivy have a leaf, sometimes it's variegated.
Sometimes it's not, which goes to show how things get complicated.

Oh the Holly have a flower, that's hardly worth a mention.
And I don't see why these two trees should get all this attention.

Chorus: Oh, the ivy and the holly,
When they are both full grown,
Oh the ivy needs the holly, for
It can't stand up on its own.