I tried to suppress the musical junkie in me for years. My parents did not consider it a viable option. I passed up the chance to study music even though I passed the audition. I decided to study poetry instead and be a poet (for some crazy reaon my parents thought this was ok). I spent my University days playing in bands instead of studying. I ended up in an serious arts admin job I was really unhappy in. The 'straightness' of the job wasn't conducive to playing in bands at night - or at least that's how it seemed to me. None of the bands worked out, the gigs stopped coming in. But somehow the bug never went away.

Several years, bands and projects later, things 'magically' fell into place. Except it's not luck - more like hard slog! I have a great part-time job that pays the bills AND is satisfying. All my other energy is devoted to 'the band', which is the best band I've ever been in. No artistic compromise necessary and we seem to be getting gigs at last. Not enough to live on, but enough to save up for an overseas trip next year. And other musical jobs have started to come my way, including a film composer who has offered me a combination of 'management' and creative work.

The best thing about it is that 'the band' is just so great - not meant egotistically. I mean more in the sense that we look forward to rehearsals, plot gigs, record, delight in the new arrangements and songs we come up with, laugh, have meals together and we SING together, often just for the hell of it.

All this to say that if music is what drives you, you will give in to it eventually. And if you have enough little successes and find the right collaborators, the fears become less of a priority!

Good luck, don't give up!

Callie

(Wyo: where can we read your work?)