Shawn McBride visited his cousin Tige last week. During this time, two new members were added to 'The Family', during the ritual known as 'The Kissing of the Ass'. This involved the kissing of Jack's hairy ass while suppressing the urge to projectile vomit your entire digestive tract. The inductees, described as extreme masochists, only brought up their stomachs, but the doctors on hand were able to shove them back down. They described the odour as a mixture of Limburger cheese, skunk and several rotting corpses. And that is nicest anyone has described Jack's odour. All in all, it was a successful swearing in. Especially after everyone swore at everyone else. The screech flowed very freely, at both ends.

Shawn and Tige disgusted, I mean discussed, the possible use of Tige's genetically alter super-grass as a alternative fuel source. It is reported you can get a hundred miles per lid. They decided to form a company to develop it. Soon, both you and your car can get tanked at the same time. NASA has expressed interest for use on the International Space Station. A new high for everyone.

Jack has been involved in another scandal. It appears after consuming a fifth of rye, a bottle of absinthe, two dozen tankards of beer, and something green and glowing he found bubbling away at the bottom of a rusty steel barrel, he went roaming the countryside looking for sex. He was found passed out in a farmer's field surrounded by a dozen cows. They were described as being dazed and confused but very satisfied.

One cow said, "I felt the earth MOOve. I cannot stop sighing and MOOaning. Come back to me, Jackie-Boy."

One other cow said, "It was dark and all I could tell that it was something big, hairy and smelly. I thought it was Rex the Bull. Only in the morning did I see it wasn't."

Rex the Bull was so enraged at what happened that he charged at Jack at full tilt. Owing to his speed and the intensity of Jack's smell, when he got within twenty feet, he just winked out. Scienctist believe Rex is now in another demension and has become a become one of the meta-bulls also known as meta-bs. The farmer has been paid a very large sum and two hundred pounds of weed as compensation.

I was going to talk about what happened when Jack went to Winnipeg for a Jets game, but due to the gag order, I cannot. Just let me say, it is the real reason Air Canada wants to keep its personnel out of downtown, especially the stewardesses.

Well that's all for now from the Saskatchewan side of the family.