"Mid-Life Barbie"

Introducing the new, improved MID-LIFE BARBIE:

Now, at long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls
to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully.
These are a bit more realistic.

1. BIFOCALS BARBIE: Comes with her own set of
blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
(half-frames too), neck chain and large print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. HOT FLASH BARBIE: Press Barbie's belly button
and watch her face turn beet red while tiny
drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

3. FACIAL HAIR BARBIE: As Barbie's hormone levels
shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy
tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. FLABBY ARMS BARBIE: Hide Barbie's droopy triceps
with these new, roomier sleeved gowns. Good
news on the tummy front too- muumuus with
tummy support panels are included.


5. BUNION BARBIE: Years of disco dancing in stiletto
heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's
dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice
stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. NO-MORE-WRINKLES BARBIE: Erase those pesky
crow's feet and lip lines with a tube os Skin Sparkle
Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-
blasting cosmetics.

7. SOCCER MOM BARBIE: All that experience as a
cheerleader is really paying off as barbie dusts off
her old high school megaphone to root for Babs
and Ken Jr. Comes with a SUV in robin-egg blue or
white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and
fruit punch.

8. DIVORCED BARBIE: Sells for $399.99. Comes with
Ken's house, Ken's car and Ken's boat.

9. POST-MENOPAUSAL BARBIE: This Barbie wets her
pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts
things and cries a lot. She is sick of Ken sitting on
the couch watching the tube, clicking through
the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex.