My transcription from the album "Will Fyffe" (2008), as found at Spotify:
There are a few lines that don't make sense to me and are probably wrong; I have marked these with question marks.


THE WADDIN O' MARY MACLEAN
As sung by Will Fyffe

It's no o a wake that I'm goin for to sing,
But it is o a weddin, a different thing.
We had hide-an-go-seek an we'd kissin the ring
On the nicht o the weddin o Mary Maclean

When we were assembled we all taen the chance
O a better was served(?) to a kind o a dance.
There was reelin an squealin an people insane
On the nicht o the weddin o Mary Maclean.

Oh, sic a nice weddin ye never did see.
Nae wonder that ah had a tear in ma ee.
I was greetin because the bridegroom wasnae me
On the nicht o the weddin o Mary Maclean.

Noo the first tae arrive was a Misteress Speece(?)
Wi her uncle, her auntie, her nephew an niece,
An the next tae arrive was a batch o police
On the nicht o the weddin o Mary Maclean.

A red-heided fella called Dougal Maguire
Was washin his face at the sink o …(?) fire.
And him twenty-twa to the office was taen(?)
On the nicht o the weddin o Mary Maclean.

O sic a nice weddin ye never did see.
Nae wonder that ah had a tear in ma ee.
I was greetin because the bridegroom wasnae me
On the nicht o the weddin o Mary Maclean.

That row was nae stopped till another began
'Tween a new-married wife an a new-married man,
An they taen him awa in an ambulance van
On the nicht o the weddin o Mary Maclean.

When the weddin was finished I felt nearly deid.
I lay on the flair wi an awfy sair heid,
And in a wheelbarra they hurdled me hame
On the nicht o the weddin o Mary Maclean.

[Patter] Oh, what a weddin! Oh, what a weddin! And there’s another hielan weddin, you see, I’ve got to go to, an another yin on Friday. Of coorse, it’s the wife, it’s the wife … weddins. If there’s any mair weddins this week, I’m gonna tell you something: There’ll be a funeral on Saturday and I’ll be the principal performer.

Ah, but it’s the wife; she’s aye daft on dancin, aye dancin the hielan cityslava an faranella. Of coorse I cannae dance, an I’ve just to go to the refreshment bar, and mind you, that’s where I do my jigging. And when daybreak comes along, the wife just finds oot where I’m lyin and brings a barra. She aye brings a wheelbarra and she hurdles me hame. You know, I’ll bet ye a bob we’ve traveled thoosans o miles like that.

You know. I don’t remember much aboot the ceremony. All I remember is auld Dalton the minister comin in, and the auld wife in the hoose, the bride’s mother, says: “Will ye have a wee refreshment?” He says: “Ooh, no, thank you. I never drink.” Ah, but I saw him goin to the cab. I saw how he walks, an from practical experience, I know.

I remember the ceremony, a wee bit of it. When the minister says to the bride: “Will you take this man for yer lawful wedded husban?” she says: “Yes, I will!” with conviction. Well, when the bridegroom staggered tremblin at the knees, and the minister says: “Will ye take this woman tae be yer lawful wedded wife?” he says, “Aye, I will.” That man wasnae married at all; he was arrested!

So I’m gonna tell ye something: If I’m goin tae ony mair weddins wi the wife, when I go, I’m gonna take a couple o trained nurses wi me an half a stone o aspirin, ’cause I’m no weel this mornin. I’ve got an awfy sair heid. Oh, my sair heid! Oh!

Oh, sic a nice weddin ye never did see.
When I woke in the mornin ah thocht ah wad dee,
So I went to the pub and concluded the spree
After the weddin o Mary Maclean.