A fairly reliable way to get some hard-charging, tee-totaling evangelist to consign you to the depths of Hell is when he or she starts honking annoyingly about the Evils of Drink, point out that Jesus' first miracle was to turn water into wine at the wedding feast.

They usually come back with something really lame, like "But that was not wine! That was really grape juice!" Then you respond with, "But in the Bible, it clearly says 'wine.' Are you telling me that the Bible is NOT the Inerrant Word of God?"

At that point, they usually turn a lovely shade of purple and say, "I will pray for you!"

Don Firth

P. S. And then, if you are a real sadist and want to do them in totally, say, "Gee, thanks! Now—would you care for a snifter of really fine brandy? I'm going to have one."