Well, I can answer one of the above odd questions, oddly...courtesy of Les Barker:

I've got an occasional table
There it is over there
You can tell it's an occasional table
Today's its day off -- it's a chair!

(More of Les Barker's wonderful humor can be found through Waterbug Records.) He also has a web site, but I don't have the link offhand.

Aloha,
Mark