I went to the doctor for my yearly review
I knew I might be over by a pound or two
But when I took my clothes off and stepped up on the scale
The doctor looked at me and he said you FAIL.

   Refrain
No more bread and butter, no more pizza and beer
No spaghetti and meat balls, I hope I made myself clear.
Good-bye to lasagna, farewell burgers and fries
Arrive derci pasta, no more Baked Alaska 'til 1995

He said my body realy was a hell of a mess
he'd like me to wieht about 50 pdns less
Start some exercising, look out for your heart
There's no time like the present for you to starts

   Refrain

I thought that losing weight would just be a breeze
Carrot sticks and lettuce and some cottage cheese
But eating rabbit food couldn't make me forsake
That burning desire for a big t-bone steak.

Well, I lasted a week, but I can't take it no more
My knees are shaking and my head is sore
My poor old tummy makes a horrible sound
I think im going to treat it to a night on the town.

   Refrain (2 1/2 times)