Somebody who's good with rhythm and rhyme should write a new country song:

I missed you dear,
Oh how I missed you.

[spoken] How was I to know an ordinary deer rifle is so powerful?

I missed you dear,
and the bullet plowed through the neighbor's wall.

[spoken] Yes, right THROUGH the wall,

then killed her two-year-old.
[Whiny guitar solo here]
Won't you come see in jail?
I miss you, dear.