I'd never heard of Jeremy Clarkson before reading this thread, but I suggest that he and Chongo Chimp battle each other in a "steel cage" match to boost the ratings of the BBC and raise the general standards of UK public affairs broadcasting. It could be staged at the Royal Albert Hall for maximum effect, ticket prices starting at a prestigious $3,000 apiece (or the equivalent in Pounds Sterling).

Chongo says that he is willing to do it for a mere 30% share of the ticket sales. "I'll rip his head off," he said cheerfully.