Vic Smith: Yes, it is a great song. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. I was able to hear the song though I'm not a member of MySpace. But it's also on Spotify, and I found it more convenient to play it from there.

I suppose the tune is traditional. Anyone recognize it?

Here's my slightly incomplete attempt at a transcription. I would appreciate help filling in the gaps.


BELINDA BROWN
As sung by John Kirkpatrick on "Mazurka Berserker" (2001)

1. Now Belinda Brown she sailed through town.
Her face and her features wore never a frown.
Her shoes were going a-clickety-clack,
The paint and leather a shimmering black,
And her skirt was swishing and shimmering too,
Her suit a shimmering shade of blue.
Her hair was shimmering in the sun,
Parading the price she paid having it done.
She flew into an office she knew.
Her pitch was perfect, her makeup too,
But when she got there, oh, what a scare!
Patty from reception was slumped in the chair,
Tearing her hair out in despair
With her "down, down, derry down, down,
The blooming computer's down!
Down, down, derry down, down,
The blooming computer's down!"

2. "All right," said Belinda. "Let's get it fixed."
While Patty was ...,
She nuzzled each ..., caressed each ...,
Stroked the screen so tenderly.
"Bang the bugger!" Belinda burst out.
"You won't get it working by piddling about.
Our skulls together must do what we can.
We mustn't give in to the maintenance man."
So she rattled and jaggled and twiddled and tweaked
While Patty she prattled and went rather weak.
But, do what they might, nothing went right.
Her knuckles were gleaming whiter than white.
Belinda went forth into terrible sight,
When you're down, down, derry down, down,
When your blooming computer's down.
Down, down, derry down, down,
When the blooming computer's down.

3. She leaned across Patty to pick up the phone,
But their chairs took on a life of their own.
Locked together and side by side,
Across the office the two did glide,
And they ripped the wires coming out of the wall
As the vase of flowers began to fall.
Trundling on, they held their breath
Till a shower of sparks had scared 'em to death.
Well, the trip switches went all over the floor.
The lift was stuck for an hour or more,
But she wasn't beat; she leapt from her seat.
It was simply a challenge she knew she could meet.
For Belinda Brown there was no defeat
When they're down, down, derry down, down,
When the blooming computer's down.
Down, down, derry down, down,
When the blooming computer's down.

4. She whipped out her mobile as quick as a flash.
You have to move fast when the system has crashed.
But the signal was poor, hardly a squeak.
Patty said, "Well, it's been like that all week."
So she strode off determined to get the best spot.
She knew she would find it, ready or not.
She tried in the kitchen; she tried in the hall,
But just up the stairs was the best place of all.
Well, the signal was perfect, the acoustics as well.
Pity the room had that rather odd smell!
But she plumped herself down ....
She tapped in the number and straightened her hair.
With Belinda in charge there's no need to despair,
When they're down, down, derry down, down,
When the blooming computer's down.
Down, down, derry down, down,
When the blooming computer's down.

5. Sid from the store he crashed through the door,
Lamenting the lack of a loo on his floor.
The cheeks of his bum were sad and sore
From the birthday bash at the Kohinoor.
In a terrible hurry from too much curry,
He undid his trousers; well, why should he worry?
But you'd lose the urge, however immense,
When a woman from management sat in the gents.
She fumbled and faulted; he stopped in his tracks.
In that situation it's hard to relax.
What can he do? There's only one loo.
Why had he chosen to have vindaloo?
And Belinda just sat there admiring the view
With 'em down, down, derry down, down,
With her bloomin' own trousers down.
Down, down, derry down, down,
With her bloomin' own trousers down.

6. Before she could move, there came a great crack.
With a terrible surge, the power came back.
It gave her a fright; her phone took flight,
Got itself lodged in the overhead light,
So she leapt on the loo to wiggle it free,
But as Sid held her steady quite fast round the knee,
A consid'rable whack of the national grid
Passed through Belinda and on into Sid.
Well, the phone it fell and they said not a word,
And the splash they neither saw nor heard.
They lowered her down with wonder and glee.
They were sparking together as sweet as can be,
And under her feet in the WC,
Going down, down, derry down, down,
Her phone was bubbling down.
Down, down, derry down, down,
Her phone was bubbling down.

7. Now Belinda Brown she sails through town.
Her face and her features wear never a frown.
The hair on her head is still sticking out straight
From when she and Sid had their brush with fate.
For their gel and their chemistry none can explain.
The passion between them is hard to contain,
For Sid and Belinda, whenever they kiss,
They fizz and they sizzle from that day to this.
Whenever they touch, you can see the sparks fly.
The appliance of science they simply defy;
And there in reception Patty still sits.
She tells how they nearly were ... to bits.
Up in the gents in the flush and the spray,
The ghost of her mobile babbles away,
And Belinda and Sid they crackle and glow.
Their voltage is high; their resistance is low.
Connected by currents, fused by fate,
They pump up their units in place of a date.
They were down, down, derry down, down.
Their blooming computer's down.
Down, down, derry down, down,
The blooming computer's down.
Down, down, derry down, down,
The blooming computer's—
Blooming computer's—
Blooming computer's down.