Dear Shame,

Look dude, I've taught hand-to-hand combat. Boxing is NOT hand-to-hand combat, it's a stylized battering match. So, if you'd like a match I strongly suggest that you put the gloves over your crotch. Then I can pivot right, scrape your patella to your instep and bounce on it, and at the same time slam the bottom of my left hand forcibly into your nose. This will not only cripple you for life, but drive nose splinters into whatever is in your cranial cavity. But I promise, as you fall, I'll punt your footballs the length of the room so that your fall will be broken and you won't hit your head hard against the floor.

Would you prefer knives or guns instead? How about clubs?

Your fiend,
R