Bobert, for what it's worth, I think your song is great and could be a model for other songwriters. I love story songs (Woody was a master) and the genre must be kept alive as you have done. Now, please write a chorus that people can sing. In it should be a
statement about the song's meaning from your point-of-view.

I'm in favor of story songs which say more to me than any preachy, pseudo-philosophical emotional rants or descriptions of faded love by teenaged heartbroken crybabies.

Bobert has defined what I call a "folk process". The story in song goes on.