HISTORY OF FOOTBALL
As sung by Hamish Imlach on "Cod Liver Oil and Orange Juice: The Transatlantic Anthology" (2006)

1. From Ireland there came a band, hundred years ago, they say.
For the birthday feast o' the Clan MacLeish the band was booked to play.
They wore green hats, green spats, green coats, I think.
The thing they weren't so green on was the sharin' o' the drink.

2. Clan Chief MacLeish was very pleased as he took tae a seat,
For it was said his wife had made a special birthday treat.
He wore blue braid, blue plaid, blue kilt, I suppose.
The only thing that wasnae blue, he never blew his nose.

3. The guests gasped when at last a treat was fin'lly brought:
On a wooden plate the steamin' great dumplin' pipin' hot.
Oh, they grabbed it, stabbed it, but the dumplin' stayed intact
Till the fierce MacLeish, no too pleased, gave it a hell of a crack.

4. The riddler(?) stomped the dumplin' with an Irish roar o' pain.
He cursed an' swore, then once more kicked it back again.
It went up an' doon the banquet room, forty wide an' eighty lang,
Kicked between MacLeish's men an' the Irish céilí band.

5. Their anger changed tae laughter when they saw it could be fun,
But their laughter changed tae anger when they thought the wrang side won.
Still they play this game today, but they changed the rules somehow.
We've eleven dumplin's on each side an' they call it football now.