At the gastroenterologist's the other day, as I waited for my turn with the colonoscope, I amused myself by counting the recurrences of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on the office Muzak system. He was in high rotation, turning up at least once every 20 minutes, usually right after "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" and right before "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town."

I call that way beyond tacky; it was cruel and unusual punishment.