Richard: Albert Ellis, through his considerable years of studying humans, found that those who do not use the words "should" or "ought" are happier than those who do. My take on this is that, rather than "shoulding" on ourselves, we need to look at the why of what we do. For example: "I should phone/write... {a certain stipulated person}." Why? - I want to keep in touch? I feel duty-bound? They will be upset if we do not? I will be sad if I do not? ??????

So why not say " I really want to phone... to see how they are. " "I am going to phone mom so she will feel good." etc.

I have been known to respond to a "Dorothy, you should...." "Don't you should on me!"