Just to make the record clear, I did not have sex with...

Cleopatra
Julia Agrippa
Messalina
Elizabeth Bathory
Trigger
Rin-Tin-Tin
Tin-Tin
Snowy
Petunia Pig
Elizabeth I or II
Eleanor of Aquitaine
Richard the Lion-Hearted
William Rufus
Caligula
Mary Todd Lincoln
Marilyn Monroe
Daisy Duck
Silver
Cheetah
Jane
Tarzan
Margaret Thatcher
Marie Antoinette
Edward II
Andrew Jackson
Frankie
Pearl Pureheart
Eskimo Nell
Dudley Do-Right
Yukon King
Yukon stove
A Mossberg 12 gauge pump shotgun

...and a whole hell of a lot of other people, places, and things.

Mostly my life has been really, really boring.