Ol' Rodney Dangerfield line:

"Take my wife for instance...

(audience thinks that Rodney is going to tell a story about his wife...)

...no, I mean, take me wife"...

Guess you had to be there...

Sorry, brucie... I don't do the Dixie Chicks... Not that I nwouldn't mind doing them but...

I think you wanted one signed... By me??? I can do a decent Alfred E. Newman autograph...

Hey, B-bad... I'm sorry but I don't know your other name... You know, the one the cops use to book you every Saturday night... You don't have to blurt it out... Just tell me what town/city you live in and I'll put the Wes Ginny Slide Rule on it and it's will figure it out... Smart feller that WGSR 'cept when it comes to the womenz... Guess that has something to do with being made of wood, I donno???

B~