Well we all appreciate your efforts Bob with the Sunray FC. Its a great contribution to local life.

Competitions are extremely sus.

I once was lured into the depths of rural Ireland to compete in the finals of a songwriting comp. To be honest I wasn't the only one suckered in. Sat next to me was Crystal Gale's lead guitarist - and he was going onto me about how the basic Lowden guitar was just too basic - so he'd had a few ornamentations added - in fact he'd spent more on his guitar than my house and car cost! This guy had jetted in from LA.

I sat there clutching my yamaha sushi board model.

Anyway the local Father Ted was one of the judges - apparently the village had been betting on it for weeks. The heavy money was on this bloke who was very Eurovision - and he arrived with glamorous backing singers, and he did in fact clinch it. father Ted didn't give any of the foreigners any marks.