Mark Twain is said to have been a truly creative artist when it came to long, imaginative streams of colorful profanity, and there were those who greatly admired his artistry.

But his wife, Livy, was not one of them. He tried to keep watch on his tongue when she was close by; but one day something really got up his nose, and, thinking she could not hear, he launched into a torrent of red-hot profanity. When he entered his wife's room a short time later, she coolly repeated word-for-word everything he had said.

    "Livy," he replied, astounded yet amused, "did it sound like that?"

    "Of course it did," she said, "only worse. I wanted you to hear just how it sounded."

    "Livy, it would pain me to think that when I swear it sounds like that. You got the words right, Livy, but you just don't have the tune."

Don Firth