"deep down wish I could come back with some dramatic tale to tell."

(Alert to anyone who's gonna say pedant alert: I know that quotation should receive an ellipsis after the opening quotation mark and before the word 'deep'. Thing is, I can't be arsed.)

Yell out, "I like bin Laden" in any airport. You will return home (maybe) with a dramatic tale to tell. AND, as a bonus, you'll receive a free x-ray and colonoscopy.