Chimpanzee scientists have been studyin' stuff like this with human test subjects too. We been doin' these studies for decades. What we found out was...if you paint a dot on a human's ass, there is a 98% chance he will not even notice it unless you place a mirror behind him and another mirror in front of him and then draw his attention TO his ass, by saying to him: "Hey, Roscoe, notice anything on your ass?"

Then the likelihood of him noticing the dot increases by a factor of 85%.

This is only for human men, though. Human women almost always notice right away if there is a dot on their ass (pardon the term...I should have been more polite, considerin' that it is women I am speakin' of...change that to "derriere", would ya?). Anyways, this proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that human women are at least 10 times smarter on average than human men...which is no news to me!

It makes ya wonder why the women ain't runnin' the place, don't it? I would be pretty much in favor of exportin' most of the human men to some uninhabited island somewhere and lettin' the women take over. Women are usually better negotiators, cos they are willin' to look at both sides. And they are nicer to kids and animals. I'm bettin' that a country run by women and primates would function a whole lot better than one run by a buncha damn "suits" like Donald Trump and Al Gore, etc.

Okay...now what I want you all to do now is drop yer pants, bend over, and take a good look at your ass. Is there a dot there? If there is, who put it there? And why?

If yer too stiff to "assume the position", get a mirror. Find out now if you have a dot on yer ass, and I'll mail you instructions for what to do next if ya send me 5 dollars. No cheques! I take only cash or Paypal.

- Chongo