The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #59418 Message #3311399
Posted By: Amos
20-Feb-12 - 08:06 PM
Thread Name: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
We wuz eighty-four from the next of Kay
On a dark and wintry night
And the bar was rife with smell of men
Full o' whiskey and half tight.
In the light of the cold-edged neon sign
That said "Mom's Place" by the road
You could see their faces, worn and wan
ANd the tracks of their heavy loads.
'Twas the Manne of Emmes who got there fust
He'd been leaning on the brown.
Then the Manne of Booques came wandering by
And ordered a stronger round.
And then Stilly Sage, decked out in bells,
Came high-stepping in the door.
And she ordered up some pink-tailed gin
And went dancing' 'cross the floor.
The air was turning pale and blue
As the discourse turned toward sin;
And the doors flapped wide and the wind came through
As the Gnu came lumbering in.
And he ordered up a quart or two
Of his favorite Canuck beer,
And he cleared his throat in a mighty way,
And we all turned around to hear.
Well he eyed us all with his bloodshot eyes,
And he looked at each man in the crowd
And his arms were big as a Newfie tide
AN' his shoulders wide and proud.
So the boys listened up when he stood up tall
And he growled to the crowd that day,
"Boys you know it ain't but 80 posts
'Til we hit the next of Kay!"
Well, Little Hawk there, at the end of the bar
He'd had a pint or two.
And although he weighed less by a hundred pounds,
He hollered, "That ain't true!"
And there musta been something in his mind
Something dark and free of fear,
'Cuz he cocked his arm back and let fly
With a mug of American beer.
That mug was full and solid, too,
And it parted old Gnu's hair
ANd splintered aside of the hardwood bar
And the beer was ev'ywhere.
Now Gnu was not in a favoring mood
And he reached down to his side,
But the barkeep brought up an old ought-eight
ANd suggested they go outside.
So half of us shoved old Little Hawk
Out into that wintry night
And the other half followed on with Gnu
And the word was. "There's a fight!"
And the word went round, and the whole damn town
Seemed to roll up just about then
ANd the Bookman started taking odds
Hawk six, to Gnuser's ten.
Now Hawkster didn't much like those odds,
Or the look of old Gnu's fists
And he swore the whole thing was a big mistake
And that he was a pacifist.
But they wouldn't let him back out of the ring
'Cuz the crowd was up in their blood,
And this was the biggest thing they'd seen
Since the Mayor caught the crud.
SO he squinted his eyes and he held his breath
And he let his arms go limp
And he waved his hands and invoked the name
Of Chongo, the dreamscape Chimp!
And a cloud of smoke rose up from the ground
SOur and thick and fat,
ANd curdy soon Chongo was standing there
Wearing shoes, and a pork-pie hat.