This just in: Tribal African spokesmen from near Chongo's birthplace on an obscure American trading compound in Nigeria have put in a good word for his USA presidential bid, drawing attention to the fact that his ancestors had "very good taste". "Those chimpanzees among Chongo's ancestors were well known to my people," said Donald Umbawasee of Nigeria. "I can still recall my Granddaddy saying what good taste they had."

With international support like this, Chongo can look forward to a vigorous campaign and a no doubt glorious 8 years in office.