This just in: Chongo totally lost his temper at a press conference this morning and launched a furious tirade against Nigerians. He swore that his first act as president will be to send in the Sixth Fleet and bomb Nigeria "back into the stone age"! Pundits are scrambling to make sense out of this sudden radical shift in Chongo's stance on foreign affairs and war policy. (He had previously vowed to end all foreign wars, close overseas bases, and bring the troops home.)

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In a separate announcement, the Republican Party has issued a statement praising Chongo for his latest foreign policy statement. Word on the street is that the Republicans are now considering "viable strategies" for wooing Chongo away from the APP ticket and getting him to run for the Republicans instead! "He is a man...ummm...an animal we feel we can trust to represent the true interests of America and not back down from dire foreign threats to our liberty and our way of life," said an anonymous Republican spokesman. "Unlike Romney, he takes a definite stand. Unlike Santorum, he's not afraid to bite the hand that feeds him. He wants to send in the Marines and the Navy and kick some ass. How can we possibly go wrong with this guy? I say it's Chongo all the way in 2012!"