I just rescued Mom from a seamy, steamy dive down by the waterfront. She was sooooooooooooo influenced by alcohol and bad companions that she was going to demonstrate her "table dance." I pleaded with her, telling her about the baby being sick and Amos dying and all that bull and finally I was able to fight our way out and take her home.

Please move silently around her today -- cheap rum and red wine should not be mixed with Four Roses, especially in the same flagon.