Yeah but we all need to wait while the announcer reads the bio piece.............
My name is Jon Corelis and in 2005 a rhinoceros chased me across the African grasslands. Cornering me in an elephant graveyard, he attacked and ripped my bag off. A pack of hyenas ripped off my dick as well and I was left to be eaten by vultures. Fortunately I was rescued by a great white hunter who took me to a local witch doctor who was able to fasion me a new penis from a roll of aardvark jerky as well as new nuts from two nuts. I am now on a world tour telling of my journey and recovery from the attack. Sadly, the only lingering condition seems to be a raging case of the shits which hits me every 9 minutes.
(Insert commercial break here while all the Jon Corelis' take a shit)