British Grenadier Variations

Some die of drinking water and some of drinking beer.
Some die of constipation and some of diahorrea,
But of all the world's diseases, there's none that can compare
With the drip, drip, drip, of a syphillitic prick and they call it gonorrhoea!

I like the girls who say they will and I like the girls who won't.
I hate the girls who say they will and then they say they won't,
But of all the girls I like the best, I may be wrong or right,
Are those who say they never will, but look as though they might!

Xmas Day

    Just a few verses of a traditional tear jerker....

    It was Christmas day in the Cookhouse,
    The happiest day of the year,
    Mens' hearts were full of gladness,
    And their bellies full of beer,
    Then up stands Private Shorthouse,
    His face as bold as brass
    Saying "We don't want your Christmas pudding
    you can stick it up your..
    Tidings of comfort and joy,
    Comfort and joy,
    Oh, tidings of comfort and joy


    It was Christmas day in the harem,
    the eunuchs were standing 'round
    And hundreds of beautiful women
    were stretched out on the ground
    Then in walked the bold, bad Sultan
    and gazed on his marbled halls
    Saying "What do you want for Christmas Boys?"
    And the eunuchs answered...
    Tidings of comfort and joy,
    Comfort and joy,
    Oh, tidings of comfort and joy

    Now it was Christmas Day in the jailhouse,
    The old man sat in his cell,
    "Put out your pudding, for treacle,"
    He heard the warden yell,
    "If you want treacle on your pudding,
    Put it out without delay."
    The old man put out his pudding,
    And the warden took it away.

DO YOUR EARS HANG LOW? (Substitute various parts of anatomy other than Ears)

Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them is a bow?
Can you throw them o're your shoulder like a continental soldier?
Do your ears hang low?

Do your ears stick out, can you waggle them about?
Can you flap them up and down as you fly around the town?
Can you shut them up for sure when you hear an awful bore?
Do your ears stick out?

Do your ears stand high, do they reach up to the sky?
Do they droop when they're wet, do they stand up when they're dry?
Can you semaphore your neighbor with the minimum of labor?
Do your ears stand high?

Do your ears flip flop, can you use them for a mop?
Are they stringy at the bottom, are they curly at the top?
Can you use them for a swatter, can you use them for a blotter?
Do your ears flip flop?

Do your ears stretch wide, do they flap from side to side?
Do they wave in the breeze from the slightest little sneeze?
Can you soar above the nation with a feeling of elation?
Do your ears stretch wide?