"Character Witness"

A young biker was called into court for destroying
a tavern in a brawl. He appeared before the judge
and said, "Your Honor, I am not guilty-my reputation
is spotless."

Unimpressed, the judge said, "Do you have any
witnesses who can vouch for your character?"

The young man pointed to a man in the corner.
"Sure, the sheriff over there."

Taken by surprise, the sheriff stood up and declared,
"Your Honor, this man is a liar. I have never seen him
before in my life!"

The young man turned to the judge and said, "See?
I have lived here for 15 years and the sheriff doesn't
know me, ain't that character reference enough,
your Honor?"


----------


"The Siamese Twins"

Siamese twins walk into a pub in Ontario and
park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the innkeeper, "Don't mind
us, we're joined at the hip. I'm Joe, he's Jim, we'll
have two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."

The innkeeper, feeling slightly awkward, tries to
make polite conversation while pouring the beers.

"Been on holiday yet, boys?"

"Off to England next month," says Joe. "We go to
England every year and hire a car and drive for
miles, don't we, Jim?"

Jim agrees.

"Ah, England," says the innkeeper. "Wonderful country...
the history, the beer, the culture..."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says Joe.
"Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim?
And we can't stand the English - they're arrogant
and rude.'

"So why keep going to England?" asks the innkeeper.

Joe replies, "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."