My thoughts are with you and your family, dude. A tip from an old surgical nurse: when she decides it's time to get up, don't argue with her (though it may take arguing with the nurses and docs). Sitting up and walking are the best things she can do to get better. It doesn't take licensed personnel to help her, either. Family can walk with her (with a wheelchair and driver behind if you're afraid) several times a day, while the nurses will only be able to manage once or twice.

Pain can have a different quality after abdominal surgery. Tell her that severe itching/burning is the same thing as pain - if it's too much, ask for pain medicine. It's just not the same as stomach cramps or a bashed finger. If she thinks she's ok without medicine, believe her, especially if she's able to get up. She's lived a long life and learned to deal with pain. Let her be in control and less medicated, and she's less likely to get confused/combative.

And take care of yourself. I worry about your flying down the highway in a state of panic.