"A somewhat simplified summary of "tough love" is "don't enable;" but learning how to do that may require a fair amount of self-analysis and study. For those who might want to help and haven't been an enabler, tough love would mean "don't become an enabler, if you try to help.""

Thanks for that, don't think I ever really understood the term to well myself.

As for enabling v's tough love, I think that whatever the particular problem is comes into that issue. Understanding the specifics of the addiction is probably the most important thing when determining a personal strategy of how to respond appropriately.

While I accepted that persons right to choose a path of self-destruction, I was initially often actually harder on them than might in fact have been wise. Take alcohol benders for example, to provide alcohol after a serious extended bender, isn't in fact 'enabling' as one might easily suppose, but instead essential. Sudden withdrawls from booze can be damaging -leaving the drinker brain damaged or even killing them- and shouldn't be attempted.

It's very easy for such jargon to be uncritically absorbed by people (like me) in ways which may not take into account the particulars of either the problem or the people involved. Not that any of this necessarily relates to Janie's situation (and I'm sure she's the first person to educate herself about whatever the problem is) - but I just wanted to clarify that minor point.