My recollection of this song goes like this....

My old mans a dustman
He fought in the battle of mons
He killed 10,000 germans
With only 18 bombs

One fell here, one fell there
One fell round the corner
One poor chap with a bullet in his hat
Was crying out for water

Water, water, water
Water came at last
I don't want your water
So stick it up your....

Ask old man to tea
With all his family,
If you don't come
I'll tickle your bum
With a lump of celery

Bernie was a bulldog
He swallowed a blade of grass
One grew out of his earole
The other grew out of his arse

That's how I remember it anyway.. Can anyone add to that?