My version of the The Marvelous Toy

When i was just a wee little lad
Full of health and joy
My Grandad homeward cam one night
And he brought me a toy
It was a lovely sight to see
All pretty colours bright
I only started to have me doubts
When he pulled off Grandma's tights
And she went Ooooh! when it moved
And Oooooooooh! when it stopped
And Ooooooooooooooh! when it stood still
It was a rubber penis on a Black and Decker Drill!

My version of Loves been good to me

I've been unsuccessful, trying to pull birds
And its my conclusion, most of them is turds
Still in all I'm happy
Cos I'm glad to say
Once in a while
A long long while
I had me end away!