Has anyone reminded the drug squad this year that we are entirely innoquous. Remember the situation last time they got a call about dubious characters meddling with noxious substances? Turned out to be nothing to do with drug crazed degenerates smoking grass or whatever they call cannabis nowadays. It was just Delaney's donkey had got loose and was helping himself to a tasty bit of somebody's nearby lawn.

As if that wasn't enough, one of the sniffer dogs ate my lunch and pissed all down my bloody leg. And I got a caution for not being able to produce a complete set of Voice of the People.