This is probably going to sound like a weird question, but...

My friend is a non-professional music therapist at a big nursing home in Sydney, Cape Breton. She plays piano, but knows that many of the people there have listened to Scottish fiddle music all their lives, which she can't personally provide.

So the other day I went and spent the whole day at work with her, playing my fiddle in the lobbies and tea parties. I did my best, and the residents seemed to really enjoy it. Sounds like that should be the bottom line, eh?

But I had some qualms about doing it, because I'm not a very good fiddler. I describe myself as a dime-a-dozen guitarist, but I have a long way to go before I'm a dime-a-dozen fiddler. I've been playing for less than a year and a half; while there are dozens of tunes that I sort of know there are only a handful that I can be confident of playing through smoothly. So my performances consisted of repeating my good tunes many times, and playing my so-so tunes with plenty of mistakes.

So although people enjoyed it, I felt uneasy, as if I were disrespecting the audience by offering a poor performance. I wouldn't dream of playing so badly in church or at an open mike, so what makes it OK to bring a poor performance to this venue? I don't want to take an audience for granted - it's an honour to have someone listen to you - just because they're very old or because I'm playing for free in a situation where fiddle music is scarce.

On the other hand, if my playing is slightly better than nothing, and if there isn't a better fiddler who would be there playing if I'm not, it seems a shame to wait until I feel good enough to perform.

Oh I'm so confused...

Marion