The problem is that while Google knows everything, the results you see are listed in order of how popular the answers are with the 11,000 people who might ask the identical question you have asked.

Google will NOT DISPLAY more than a couple of hundred answers, and if they show you 200 (or 900) answers, and yours happens to be ONE ANSWER farther down the list there is no way for you ever to see the one you want. There are never fewer than 254,739,224 results for any Google search, and they obviously cannot list them all.

So the answer to the original question is that Google KNOWS, but your phone happens not be be sufficiently popular to make it on the list.

You can ameliorate the situation by adding glitter and lace to your phone, and posting on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and at least three other "social sites" that your phone has some bizarre sexual traits (which should be varied among the sites), then create the phone's own Facebook page and put up a YouTube video of your phone "doing something (suggestive?) with a cat" and as soon as your phone has at least 1,300,000 Facebook "friends" you might have a chance (small) that Google will follow your phone relentlessly and will report it's location (and what it's doing) on a minute by minute basis.

(It might also help to put a sign by the front door indicating "PAPARAZI PROHIBITED," and to be sure that your dumpster is filled with "party debris" that includes some indication that your phone has "friends" with unusual and exotic tastes.)

If all this fails, your only recourse will be for your phone to commit some form of assault against a popular public figure at a well known and very public location.

John